He is Here

If you've talked to me, I've probably already shared this with you, but I want to put it on the blog so it won’t be forgotten.

They had just finished up my biopsy, and I was still lying on the examining table, to be sure I had recovered enough to for the next step in the procedure. At this point, everything was still an unknown. All I knew was there was something in my breast that wasn't supposed to be there. The procedure itself wasn't that bad, and I had made it through it fine. My doctor and ultrasound tech were wonderful, caring, gentle, and efficient. However, the anxiety over the unknown was certainly pulling on me.

As I lay there recovering, the technician asked if I was ok for her to step out of the room for a moment, and since I was fine, I consented. I hadn't realized due to the equipment, the paper shuffling, and general noise in the room that music had been playing very softly in the background. As she left the room and closed the door behind her, quiet began to settle in and I heard the soft melody. Then the very first words I heard were

“Holy is the Lord God Almighty”

God on His throne had announced His presence in the room with me. Granted he used Chris Tomlin’s voice to achieve this, but He took the time to perfectly orchestrate a chorus just for my ears alone. Tears formed in my eyes. I was not alone. I had His full attention. He was there with me then, He is here with me now.

He’s here for you too. I am no one special to have received this glimpse of Him. He wants to do the same for you. I received it because I was talking to Him and I was looking for Him. Simply look for Him. He is here, waiting for you to take notice.

In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures,

Day and night they never stop saying:

“Holy, holy, holy

is the Lord God Almighty,

who was, and is, and is to come.”

Revelation 4:6b, 8b

Choose Joy!

Surgery Scheduled

This week I received my surgery date and then met once more with my surgeon to better understand exactly what will be happening now that we know how we are proceeding. My surgery will be on the morning of April 2 at Medical Park Hospital. It will be an outpatient procedure, so I should be home before the day is over. This was my heart’s first choice for a date, so that I could still get together with my family for Easter and also wrap up the Bible study classes I’m facilitating on time. God graciously scheduled everything perfectly.

Until then, this upcoming week will be much quieter. I will not have to go to any more appointments, and just have one telephone appointment to cover the pre-surgery anesthesia information gathering that is needed. So, waiting will be my biggest challenge. I need to keep my thoughts positive and my anxiety down. Since I don’t always wait with grace, this will be a big prayer request. Stress and fatigue have taken a toll on me this week, but God has blessed me with a couple of good night’s sleep, so I’m hoping that I will perk up some today. The other prayer request is that the surgery goes well and the cancer has not spread into my lymph nodes. This is the current expectation based on my test results, so no surprises in this area would be a big blessing. This will mean my post-surgery treatment will be pretty straightforward. This is where my current fears want to form.

The day of surgery will be a long day. I report to the Breast Clinic at 7:15 am (and I am not a morning girl) for placement of the guide wire to assist the surgeon in finding the tumor. From there I will go straight to the hospital where I will be for several hours to cover pre-surgery items, surgery itself and recovery. Of this, the surgery itself will only be about an hour. If all goes well, I will get to come home and sleep in my own bed.

Thank you again for all the love, support and prayers you have bestowed upon me. They are appreciated so very much. God is so gracious, loving and BIG!

Choose Joy!

Big Week Behind Me

It’s been a long week, and I am certainly glad it is over. I’ve had my two normal days of Bible Study classes, an MRI, the initial consultation with the Radiation Oncologist and have the green light to schedule surgery. So, here are the details.

The MRI on Monday went fine. I was just surprised how exhausted I was afterwards. I got the results from my surgeon late Tuesday, and the news was good. There were no surprises, no additional areas of suspicion, and the lymph nodes look clear. Everyone seems comfortable with my current Stage 1 diagnosis. Big relief and big praise to God. He got me through it, and He has held the cancer in check.

Thursday was the initial meeting with my Radiation Oncologist to discuss my treatment options. It went very well and I came away from the appointment actually feeling better than I had going into it. Not having radiation is not advised for me, the odds of reoccurrence without are much higher than with the treatment. The good news is that I am still a candidate for the shorter three week protocol instead of the standard six to seven week treatment. The final answer will depend on the outcome of surgery. Ken reminds me not to count on it, plan on six weeks and be happy if we only have to go through three. Wise man. I found out much more about the treatment process, and while I have to go five days a week, I was surprised to find out that the sessions are very short, usually under 30 minutes start to finish. So, more good news, this will not completely consume every day for six weeks. I also learned that I will need to recover from surgery before beginning radiation, so I don’t have to jump immediately from one to the other.

So, armed with all this information, everyone recommends and I agree to proceed with my lumpectomy and follow up radiation treatment. The surgery is in the process of being scheduled. The window we are looking at is the week before or after Easter, with my preference being the second of those weeks.

God has been good throughout this week. I have been able to sleep. I have received so much love and support from everyone, and the news has all been encouraging. So, now we will rest this weekend and get ready to prepare for the next steps. I don’t have to be strong on my own. He is my strength. Thank you to each one of you for the love you are showing me. I cannot begin to express how much it means to me. I still have a God sighting to share, hopefully soon, since things are settling down. Until then –

Choose Joy!

Singing Songs

Well, I survived the MRI. It will never make my top twenty list of favorite things I've done, but it isn’t in the worst twenty either. My technician was wonderful and patient, since my problem was getting my old out of shape body onto the table and in a comfortable position. I got a little anxious that I wasn't going to be able do it, but my SOS prayer of help led us to an extra cushion that got me where I needed to be. Thankfully I had been told I could bring my own music along, so Phillips, Craig, and Dean sang praise music in my ear and I concentrated on Jesus and got through the test just fine after that, and they got the pictures they needed.

It has become apparent to me over that past several days that music is one of the ways I am coping with this. A Sunday School class member encouraged me by sending me a link to a wonderful video of Amazing Grace, and I was ministered to by the Sunday Morning Praise Team at Calvary West this past week. We sang “It Is Well With My Soul”, and I had my arm raised in praise, but instead of an open palm, I had my hand so tightly closed holding on to my Jesus, that my nails were digging into my palms.

I’m one of these people who talk to God a lot throughout the day, and lately it has been even minute by minute as I cope. I have had key phrases from so many favorite songs running through my head. As I stopped at one point to thank God for giving me so many different songs to sing to Him, the thought occurred to me that if He was supplying the songs, I wasn't singing to Him, He was singing to me. Now that took my breath away. Like the tender Father He is, He is singing songs over me to calm my fears and sustain me throughout the day. On my own, I am fearful and weak, but that’s not a problem. I don’t have to rely on my own power. He is my strength, my shield, in Him what is there to fear?

“The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

Choose Joy!

An MRI Kind of Monday

In the afternoon on Monday, March 11, I will have my MRI. As I understand it, this is the best way to make sure they have identified all the cancer prior to surgery. It should be no big deal, the main issues are an IV and the time spent in the small space. They keep asking me if I am claustrophobic, and I answer, “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure”. Still, I can’t help but think that if they keep asking me, I’m going to be, but, if they don’t ask, then how can they know? Go figure!

So, my prayer requests for this specific time are that I am indeed not claustrophobic and don’t freak out, and more importantly that anything that needs identifying will be found. I would really like for nothing new to be discovered, but am trusting God’s will for what is ahead. I am amazed at God’s daily grace to me. A few weeks ago if you had told me that I could be functional and almost rational after a diagnosis of breast cancer, I wouldn't have believed it. Truthfully, this is one of those things I could never imagine myself getting through. But here I am, and I can now say the words without crying every time. I am being sustained.

God has been so good to me so far, how can I doubt that He would continue to be anything else? I will have to share one of my God sightings with everyone soon. However, today, I will share His Words, straight out of my Bible Study homework from this afternoon.

O LORD, be gracious to us;

we long for you.

Be our strength every morning,

our salvation in time of distress.

He will be the sure foundation for your times,

a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;

the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

Isaiah 33:2, 6

Choose Joy!

Need Some Peace

Today I meet with my surgeon for the first time, so I’m not surprised I have a few butterflies. My head knows this is all going to be ok, but my emotions haven’t caught up yet. My voice is still scratchy, and I’ve gotten my left shoulder so tight, I have a hard time getting comfortable. It’s better today, but I’m still tense. So, if you would like to pray for me today, I need some peace, the kind that only God can provide. I know He will provide, so pray that I will cooperate and receive it and His authority over this situation. My head seems to know, but my heart hasn’t followed. Thanks for all love you have poured out on me. I am so blessed!

Stressed, but still I will

Choose Joy!

Then Life Changes

My life changed on March 1, 2013.  In reality the change began two weeks prior when I saw the caller id.  I knew there was a problem with my mammogram.  After the follow-up testing, I knew for certain on March 1, I have breast cancer.  My life has changed.  It is not over, but will be different.  The next several months will be hard, and then after that I will continue to be a survivor, and there will be permanent changes.

I said when I first had to go back in for additional tests, I wanted to glorify God through this.  So, for now this blog will primarily be about my journey through this, trying as much as possible to declare God’s praises.  I know I will fail at this sometimes, but I also know that He will not fail me.  I will also use this as a way to update any of you that would like to know how I am doing and how treatment is progressing.  I will try to keep the TMI to a minimum, but part of my coping will be to share.

So here is what we know so far.  I have invasive ductal carcinoma.  It is very very small, only 6mm or about ¼ of an inch.  Treatment is to have a lumpectomy followed by radiation.  I meet with my surgeon tomorrow, and will know more, including more on timeframe after that.

I will close with my first praise, mammogram timing.  I had a stomach bug the day I was supposed to have my mammogram two months prior.  Did the delay help make the tumor easier to spot?  I have no idea, but I know right now it is too small to feel, was not obvious on the mammogram, but was only just enough to warrant the ultrasound examination.  God’s timing is perfect.  My mammogram came while it is very small and treatment can be that much easier managed.

Yes, right now my emotions are raw, the tears flow often, but they are only human feelings.  My joy is more than that.  My joy’s name is Jesus, and through this I will continue to

Choose Joy!