I went a Beth Moore Simulcast this past weekend on insecurity. The topic is one that no one really wants admit to, but most of us deal with. My biggest take away from the event seemed to really shed some light on how some of my insecurities have been spring out these days. For me, insecurity does not produce humility. While this may not seem obvious on the surface, looking at it from a different way helped me. Insecurity does not protect you from pride. If it did, then, if humility is the opposite of pride, then insecurity would protect you from pride by keeping you humble. Insecurity doesn’t do that. It keeps you frustrated, frozen, fearful or in some other way ineffective. Humility isn’t supposed to make you ineffective. Beth pointed out that insecurity is really twisted up pride. Insecurity is still all about me and how I’m feeling. That is pride in a nutshell, making everything me centered.
I’m just going to put it all out there. So how does that apply to me? Lately my insecurities have looked like a “beware of pride” attack, especially as relating to this writing I’m supposed to be committed to. It is one thing to lead a group in Bible Study using someone else’s materials, or to write the occasional blog entry, but I really feel the calling to dig into a subject deeper, and write a little more in depth, maybe even ending up with a study when I’m done. There’s where my insecurities jump in. What makes me think I can, should, or even have the right to do that? I’m too sinful, tarnished, uneducated, or otherwise unqualified to think I’m capable of doing that. Fact is, some people may even think that about me. But should I let that matter to me, or even worse stop me? The real truth is that I am all of those things, but I still feel God has led me to do this. Maybe all I’m supposed to get out of this is a message for me. I would love to have something to share at the end, but what I have to keep reminding myself of is that God gets to make that decision. I do the work, He builds the result.
Thanks for reading my rant. Sometimes the best way to fight something is head on, shining a bright light of truth on it. So, here’s where I need to focus. I am loved, I am forgiven, if God has called me, He will equip me. The success of the results is His to judge. My standards are not the measuring stick. So, if you want to give me a little accountability, next time you see me, ask me how it is going in Ephesians.
Choose Joy!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Snubbing Happiness
The other day I saw a commercial that expressed a sentiment I’ve heard many many times, from the parent’s perspective talking about their children – “I just want them to be happy”. As I sat and listened to this, I just had to conclude I didn’t agree with the thought. If you want to get some strange looks, try saying “I’m not about making my kid happy.” So what is wrong with me that I don’t want my child “just to be happy”? Am I anti-happiness, snubbing my nose at it? Actually, I don’t think I’m that cruel, although I often think of myself as the “mean mom”. I do not want my child to be unhappy in his life, but I don’t want him to live his life based on happiness. What do I mean by this?
I don’t want “being happy” to be the major deciding principle in my child’s life. Decisions should not be made primarily on the basis of how happy something will make me. Life has troubles, trials and suffering as part of it. To lead a life based on happiness implies something is bad when these trials come, when in fact we are facing what everyone faces. If we never face difficulty, we loose the opportunity to develop the skills, maturity and character needed to navigate these very situations and become compassionate people. Another problem with making decisions based on a happiness factor is that we begin to expect happiness, think we are owed happiness, begin to feel entitled to happiness, and expect others to be responsible for making us happy, all things that are a sure recipe for self-centeredness, disappointment, and disaster. When we make choices based on happiness, we risk not making the best choice simply because it might be too much work, too inconvenient, or isn’t enough about us.
So what do I want for my child? I want him to experience the love, joy, and peace that come from having a life based on a personal relationship with Jesus. I want him to love and be loved. I want him be wise and to know the secret of being content in all circumstances. I want him to have a sense of purpose and the satisfaction of fulfilling that purpose. I want him to have a sense of compassion, and the maturity and strength of character to face adversity without crumbling under it. I also want him to have many moments of happiness in the midst of all this, not as the objective, but as an overflow.
To be honest, it is so much easier to be the dispenser of happiness. It makes me popular, there is little resistance or aggravation. Right now, I am raw with the burn of being the bearer of discipline for poor decision making. In this moment, knowing I’m building my child’s character is scant salve for the pain. I cling to the promise of joy in fruit yet to be born as wisdom in my child. It is not terribly satisfying at this particular moment. I confess that there have been times when I have failed and given into the happiness dispenser. The problem I’ve discovered with that path, is that the sick feeling I develop in my stomach is worse than what I originally avoided, the feeling of failing my child.
I cannot protect my child from the world, so I must prepare him as the day draws ever closer when he will leave and have to face it on his own. I want him to succeed. I do hope he finds much happiness along the way, and the confidence to face things when happiness is not to be found.
I don’t want “being happy” to be the major deciding principle in my child’s life. Decisions should not be made primarily on the basis of how happy something will make me. Life has troubles, trials and suffering as part of it. To lead a life based on happiness implies something is bad when these trials come, when in fact we are facing what everyone faces. If we never face difficulty, we loose the opportunity to develop the skills, maturity and character needed to navigate these very situations and become compassionate people. Another problem with making decisions based on a happiness factor is that we begin to expect happiness, think we are owed happiness, begin to feel entitled to happiness, and expect others to be responsible for making us happy, all things that are a sure recipe for self-centeredness, disappointment, and disaster. When we make choices based on happiness, we risk not making the best choice simply because it might be too much work, too inconvenient, or isn’t enough about us.
So what do I want for my child? I want him to experience the love, joy, and peace that come from having a life based on a personal relationship with Jesus. I want him to love and be loved. I want him be wise and to know the secret of being content in all circumstances. I want him to have a sense of purpose and the satisfaction of fulfilling that purpose. I want him to have a sense of compassion, and the maturity and strength of character to face adversity without crumbling under it. I also want him to have many moments of happiness in the midst of all this, not as the objective, but as an overflow.
To be honest, it is so much easier to be the dispenser of happiness. It makes me popular, there is little resistance or aggravation. Right now, I am raw with the burn of being the bearer of discipline for poor decision making. In this moment, knowing I’m building my child’s character is scant salve for the pain. I cling to the promise of joy in fruit yet to be born as wisdom in my child. It is not terribly satisfying at this particular moment. I confess that there have been times when I have failed and given into the happiness dispenser. The problem I’ve discovered with that path, is that the sick feeling I develop in my stomach is worse than what I originally avoided, the feeling of failing my child.
I cannot protect my child from the world, so I must prepare him as the day draws ever closer when he will leave and have to face it on his own. I want him to succeed. I do hope he finds much happiness along the way, and the confidence to face things when happiness is not to be found.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Christmas Blessings
As mid December arrives and I am finishing up my shopping, I feel fully entrenched into the “Season of Stuff”. Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays, the buying and giving and eating of stuff can get a little overwhelming. I find I can too easily get caught up in all the food, decorating and gifts that make up the stuff of these holidays and lose sight of the things that really matter. So how do I attempt to guard against all this “stuff”?
I too easily begin to think of how much stuff I have as how blessed I am. My thoughts return to those verses I read in Luke 1 as Mary gives praise when she visits with Elizabeth that I wrote about in “Considered Blessed”.
48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
Another lesson comes to mind, especially as I compare this passage to something I read very shortly after this passage in Psalm 46
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich,
when the splendor of his house increases;
17 for he will take nothing with him when he dies,
his splendor will not descend with him.
18 Though while he lived he counted himself blessed—
and men praise you when you prosper—
19 he will join the generation of his fathers,
who will never see the light of life.
Mary doesn’t call herself blessed in Luke. Her challenging life didn’t suddenly get better. Joseph stood by her, but we don’t ever hear about them obtaining great amounts of wealth. Jesus worked as a carpenter, just as his earthly father had, to earn a living. They worked hard to keep a roof over their head and food in their mouths. Add to this the fact that her children didn’t see eye to eye, and she watched her eldest die on a cross. Not the picture of a blessed life. Yet, we look back at them from the vantage of a future generation and call her blessed, because God was doing great things through her. Her blessing had nothing to do with “stuff”. God worked through her, giving us Himself in human form.
Compare that to the passage in Psalms, where the rich man counted himself blessed while he lived (v 18) and people tended to be in great awe of him, but when he died he had nothing. Here’s the adage “you can’t take it with you” right in scripture. All his earthly stuff did not bring him eternal life, his blessings were temporary and created no lasting legacy. It is so easy to fixate on those kinds of blessings, but are those the kind I want?
Don’t get me wrong. God does give us stuff, sometimes lavishly, and it is ok to ask Him to do so. We just don’t need to be fixating on God solely as a dispenser of stuff, using that as the measure of how blessed we are. Again, I find I need to keep an eternal kingdom perspective of blessings.
This was hit home for me by what one of our worship leaders said one Sunday morning –
“The blessing is not what God gives you, the blessing is God Himself.”
How appropriate for this Christmas season, to remember that the real blessing is God sending His only son, Jesus, to dwell with us, and to save us.
So, as we draw close to Christmas, I wish you Christmas Blessings, not just for stuff, or even joy and peace, but the presence of God Himself in your life.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14 (NIV)
I too easily begin to think of how much stuff I have as how blessed I am. My thoughts return to those verses I read in Luke 1 as Mary gives praise when she visits with Elizabeth that I wrote about in “Considered Blessed”.
48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
Another lesson comes to mind, especially as I compare this passage to something I read very shortly after this passage in Psalm 46
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich,
when the splendor of his house increases;
17 for he will take nothing with him when he dies,
his splendor will not descend with him.
18 Though while he lived he counted himself blessed—
and men praise you when you prosper—
19 he will join the generation of his fathers,
who will never see the light of life.
Mary doesn’t call herself blessed in Luke. Her challenging life didn’t suddenly get better. Joseph stood by her, but we don’t ever hear about them obtaining great amounts of wealth. Jesus worked as a carpenter, just as his earthly father had, to earn a living. They worked hard to keep a roof over their head and food in their mouths. Add to this the fact that her children didn’t see eye to eye, and she watched her eldest die on a cross. Not the picture of a blessed life. Yet, we look back at them from the vantage of a future generation and call her blessed, because God was doing great things through her. Her blessing had nothing to do with “stuff”. God worked through her, giving us Himself in human form.
Compare that to the passage in Psalms, where the rich man counted himself blessed while he lived (v 18) and people tended to be in great awe of him, but when he died he had nothing. Here’s the adage “you can’t take it with you” right in scripture. All his earthly stuff did not bring him eternal life, his blessings were temporary and created no lasting legacy. It is so easy to fixate on those kinds of blessings, but are those the kind I want?
Don’t get me wrong. God does give us stuff, sometimes lavishly, and it is ok to ask Him to do so. We just don’t need to be fixating on God solely as a dispenser of stuff, using that as the measure of how blessed we are. Again, I find I need to keep an eternal kingdom perspective of blessings.
This was hit home for me by what one of our worship leaders said one Sunday morning –
“The blessing is not what God gives you, the blessing is God Himself.”
How appropriate for this Christmas season, to remember that the real blessing is God sending His only son, Jesus, to dwell with us, and to save us.
So, as we draw close to Christmas, I wish you Christmas Blessings, not just for stuff, or even joy and peace, but the presence of God Himself in your life.
John 1:14 (NIV)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Be Wary of “Me”
I apologize in advance if it seems I’m on my soapbox today. For some reason God stirred this up in me to be on guard about, and I feel like I just have to write what I’m thinking.
I often hear the advice to personalize scripture in prayer or study to apply it to your life or claim a promise. Great! Awesome! I am all for this. God wants a personal relationship with us, and He wants to relate to us personally. Applying scripture to our personal situation helps better connect us with God.
However, we get in trouble if that is the only way we look at scripture. A classic example of this is John 3:16 –
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (KJV)
We personalize this verse by substituting “you” for “world” and “whosoever”. “You” is a part of the “world” and “whosoever”, so we are not incorrect in doing this. But, in our “me” oriented society we often begin to think “ignore world and whosoever” and think of this verse only in terms of “you”. We have now changed things. God did not use the word “you” in this verse, He used the word “world”. He wants us to know that we are part of that world. He also wants to know that it is more than about us. His love and His plan are much bigger than just us. He loves all of us individually and as a whole, and the scope of His plan is world wide. When we concentrate only on a “you” version, we will lose sight of some of the greatness of God as focus only on ourselves.
Another example of personalization potentially going too far is when it is suggested that you re-write the scripture to make it apply to you. Then you read the scripture and memorize it in this form. Yes, read the scripture and put it into terms that make it apply to you, but don’t let that be the only way you view the scripture. I personally have a problem with memorizing personalized scripture. If I memorize it as written, I should have no problem personalizing it when needed. If anything, personalized scripture should be a secondary memorization, not your primary resource.
Why do I feel this way? First, we begin to believe that the Bible is all about us. It is not. It is all about God. The good news is that in His lavish love for us, much of what is about Him has benefit to us and for us, so extends to us. Second, we have rewritten scripture, a very dangerous place to be. When we change words to suit ourselves, we run the risk of changing at minimum the scope and possibly the meaning of what God has to say to us. God may have something to say that is bigger than just you, but if you have changed it, you might miss it. Finally, this can be a trap leading to self idolatry. We make everything about us, including God. Our wants and needs become more important than God. They become the gods or “idols” in our lives. If the Bible needs to be all about you, then you prioritize what God can do for you over knowing Him. With Christian maturity comes the growing understanding that He is enough and having a relationship with Him is the point. Don’t let over use of personalization rob you of this truth.
So in summary, I’m not saying don’t personalize scripture. I’m just saying to guard against letting that be the only way you interact with scripture.
Ok, I’m stepping off the soapbox for today. Choose Joy!
I often hear the advice to personalize scripture in prayer or study to apply it to your life or claim a promise. Great! Awesome! I am all for this. God wants a personal relationship with us, and He wants to relate to us personally. Applying scripture to our personal situation helps better connect us with God.
However, we get in trouble if that is the only way we look at scripture. A classic example of this is John 3:16 –
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (KJV)
We personalize this verse by substituting “you” for “world” and “whosoever”. “You” is a part of the “world” and “whosoever”, so we are not incorrect in doing this. But, in our “me” oriented society we often begin to think “ignore world and whosoever” and think of this verse only in terms of “you”. We have now changed things. God did not use the word “you” in this verse, He used the word “world”. He wants us to know that we are part of that world. He also wants to know that it is more than about us. His love and His plan are much bigger than just us. He loves all of us individually and as a whole, and the scope of His plan is world wide. When we concentrate only on a “you” version, we will lose sight of some of the greatness of God as focus only on ourselves.
Another example of personalization potentially going too far is when it is suggested that you re-write the scripture to make it apply to you. Then you read the scripture and memorize it in this form. Yes, read the scripture and put it into terms that make it apply to you, but don’t let that be the only way you view the scripture. I personally have a problem with memorizing personalized scripture. If I memorize it as written, I should have no problem personalizing it when needed. If anything, personalized scripture should be a secondary memorization, not your primary resource.
Why do I feel this way? First, we begin to believe that the Bible is all about us. It is not. It is all about God. The good news is that in His lavish love for us, much of what is about Him has benefit to us and for us, so extends to us. Second, we have rewritten scripture, a very dangerous place to be. When we change words to suit ourselves, we run the risk of changing at minimum the scope and possibly the meaning of what God has to say to us. God may have something to say that is bigger than just you, but if you have changed it, you might miss it. Finally, this can be a trap leading to self idolatry. We make everything about us, including God. Our wants and needs become more important than God. They become the gods or “idols” in our lives. If the Bible needs to be all about you, then you prioritize what God can do for you over knowing Him. With Christian maturity comes the growing understanding that He is enough and having a relationship with Him is the point. Don’t let over use of personalization rob you of this truth.
So in summary, I’m not saying don’t personalize scripture. I’m just saying to guard against letting that be the only way you interact with scripture.
Ok, I’m stepping off the soapbox for today. Choose Joy!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
My Happy Place
It’s so weird, just a couple of weeks or so ago, I watched a video where the speaker described a situation where while waiting on direction from God, what appeared to be an answer, upon closer inspection wasn’t. Right now I am experiencing that very sensation, not sure if what looks like an open door is an answer or not. What sounded exciting and good at first has left me unsure, and with a level of peace somewhere between zip and nada. So I’m questioning why I feel that way and thus am confused.
As I try to work through my confusion, trying to assess my pride, ego and other potential personal roadblocks, I find myself getting frustrated. My frustration leads to impatience, I have no peace (imagine sounds of screeching tires and shatteringly glass as I come to an abrupt halt) and I realize I’ve tried to take control of the situation. Impatience and lack of peace are not fruit of Spirit lead activity. I need to get back to my “happy place”.
So what is my happy place? For me my happy place is where I find peace. You know how all those de-stressing exercises tell you to envision a pleasant happy place to relax. My happy place is like that only that it is not about temporarily coping, but having real abiding peace that unfurls those knots that form in my stomach. My objective it to operate in that place as much as possible and recognize when I’ve wandered off and return there as quickly as possible. I have to admit that my success rate at this is less than stellar. I’m a work in progress, so I’m writing this to remind myself to be more diligent in guarding my thoughts.
In my happy place I believe the following –
God is in control, always all the time. (Psalm 115:3, Isaiah 45:18-19, Isaiah 46:9)
God loves me lavishly and without limits. (John 3:16, Ephesians 1:6)
He has plans for my life and those plans are for my good and the good of His Kingdom. (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28)
Nothing that happens to me as His child happens without His knowledge and consent. (Job 1:10-12, Luke 22:31)
Based on all these facts, I can trust that whatever is going on is in God’s control, He is taking care of it, and what is best for me is His plan. I start worrying when I start doubting.
So how do I get there? I remember each of the above. I work through the list one at a time asking myself do I believe each truth. As I am reminded of these truths and get it settled in my mind, I find I can let go, relinquish control, and amazingly the knot in my stomach unclenches and I find peace. My goal is to remember these truths quickly and do a better job at keeping my focus on them.
So as I remember these truths, I sense God saying to me
Just Wait.
So, yes I’m still confused, but no longer frustrated and anxious. Maybe this is a door that will open, maybe not. Either way is ok. The knots in my stomach are gone, and I have peace, find rest, and am working on cultivating a little patience.
God is good.
Choose Joy!
As I try to work through my confusion, trying to assess my pride, ego and other potential personal roadblocks, I find myself getting frustrated. My frustration leads to impatience, I have no peace (imagine sounds of screeching tires and shatteringly glass as I come to an abrupt halt) and I realize I’ve tried to take control of the situation. Impatience and lack of peace are not fruit of Spirit lead activity. I need to get back to my “happy place”.
So what is my happy place? For me my happy place is where I find peace. You know how all those de-stressing exercises tell you to envision a pleasant happy place to relax. My happy place is like that only that it is not about temporarily coping, but having real abiding peace that unfurls those knots that form in my stomach. My objective it to operate in that place as much as possible and recognize when I’ve wandered off and return there as quickly as possible. I have to admit that my success rate at this is less than stellar. I’m a work in progress, so I’m writing this to remind myself to be more diligent in guarding my thoughts.
In my happy place I believe the following –
God is in control, always all the time. (Psalm 115:3, Isaiah 45:18-19, Isaiah 46:9)
God loves me lavishly and without limits. (John 3:16, Ephesians 1:6)
He has plans for my life and those plans are for my good and the good of His Kingdom. (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28)
Nothing that happens to me as His child happens without His knowledge and consent. (Job 1:10-12, Luke 22:31)
Based on all these facts, I can trust that whatever is going on is in God’s control, He is taking care of it, and what is best for me is His plan. I start worrying when I start doubting.
So how do I get there? I remember each of the above. I work through the list one at a time asking myself do I believe each truth. As I am reminded of these truths and get it settled in my mind, I find I can let go, relinquish control, and amazingly the knot in my stomach unclenches and I find peace. My goal is to remember these truths quickly and do a better job at keeping my focus on them.
So as I remember these truths, I sense God saying to me
Just Wait.
So, yes I’m still confused, but no longer frustrated and anxious. Maybe this is a door that will open, maybe not. Either way is ok. The knots in my stomach are gone, and I have peace, find rest, and am working on cultivating a little patience.
God is good.
Choose Joy!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
And Then Silence
As I looked over this blog I realized I hadn’t posted anything in over two weeks. It made me pause, because I have a stack of “ideas” to explore, and usually God leads me to an area to reflect. Even though I’ve been busy these past couple of weeks, I really couldn’t use it as an excuse, because, honestly, I’m always busy it seems. So why haven’t I written? Then I realized that I had not received any prompting leading me to a specific topic. God has been silent.
So as I pondered this, I realized this wasn’t a bad thing, God has not left me. I even still feel His presence in my life. This has been an opportunity to strengthen my faith. I’ve spent a good bit of time asking how, where, when, and what does it look like questions to God. So far I haven’t received answers. My weekly Bible Study has been talking about being in the wilderness, like the Israelites leaving Egypt and wandering in the dessert. I am at a transition point in my life. We’ve joined a new church and I’m praying over whether or not my sabbatical from leading women’s Bible study groups is coming to an end, and if so, what will that look like. So far God has been silent and this has extended to my writing as well.
I realized that if I believe (and I do) that God is still there, then He will speak when He is ready and in His time. I also think my resolve to continue writing is being tested. Will I seek out things to write about? Will I continue to declare His praises even when there is silence? Since this blog flows from things I’m dealing with, I decided maybe I should write about the silence. Here is where my reflecting has led.
First it has helped me clarify the difference in between being lost in a desert of disobedience and separation from God, and being in a time of wandering, waiting for God to reveal the next step. It is refining my patience and building my faith as I continue to learn to wait. I can look back on past times of waiting and know that God has perfect timing.
Additionally, as I lay in bed winding down from the day, I realized that in the silence I could find comfort and peace and rest. I am at a place where I can simply abide and be still. When Alex was a baby I would hold and rock him to comfort him when he was fussy in the middle of the night. I sensed God doing the same thing for me. I remembered the softness of the night, the warmth of the embrace, the occasion stoke on the head, and the same words I would whisper into my child’s ear, “Its ok, I’m right here.”, and then, silence.
So as I pondered this, I realized this wasn’t a bad thing, God has not left me. I even still feel His presence in my life. This has been an opportunity to strengthen my faith. I’ve spent a good bit of time asking how, where, when, and what does it look like questions to God. So far I haven’t received answers. My weekly Bible Study has been talking about being in the wilderness, like the Israelites leaving Egypt and wandering in the dessert. I am at a transition point in my life. We’ve joined a new church and I’m praying over whether or not my sabbatical from leading women’s Bible study groups is coming to an end, and if so, what will that look like. So far God has been silent and this has extended to my writing as well.
I realized that if I believe (and I do) that God is still there, then He will speak when He is ready and in His time. I also think my resolve to continue writing is being tested. Will I seek out things to write about? Will I continue to declare His praises even when there is silence? Since this blog flows from things I’m dealing with, I decided maybe I should write about the silence. Here is where my reflecting has led.
First it has helped me clarify the difference in between being lost in a desert of disobedience and separation from God, and being in a time of wandering, waiting for God to reveal the next step. It is refining my patience and building my faith as I continue to learn to wait. I can look back on past times of waiting and know that God has perfect timing.
Additionally, as I lay in bed winding down from the day, I realized that in the silence I could find comfort and peace and rest. I am at a place where I can simply abide and be still. When Alex was a baby I would hold and rock him to comfort him when he was fussy in the middle of the night. I sensed God doing the same thing for me. I remembered the softness of the night, the warmth of the embrace, the occasion stoke on the head, and the same words I would whisper into my child’s ear, “Its ok, I’m right here.”, and then, silence.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)