Singing Songs

Well, I survived the MRI. It will never make my top twenty list of favorite things I've done, but it isn’t in the worst twenty either. My technician was wonderful and patient, since my problem was getting my old out of shape body onto the table and in a comfortable position. I got a little anxious that I wasn't going to be able do it, but my SOS prayer of help led us to an extra cushion that got me where I needed to be. Thankfully I had been told I could bring my own music along, so Phillips, Craig, and Dean sang praise music in my ear and I concentrated on Jesus and got through the test just fine after that, and they got the pictures they needed.

It has become apparent to me over that past several days that music is one of the ways I am coping with this. A Sunday School class member encouraged me by sending me a link to a wonderful video of Amazing Grace, and I was ministered to by the Sunday Morning Praise Team at Calvary West this past week. We sang “It Is Well With My Soul”, and I had my arm raised in praise, but instead of an open palm, I had my hand so tightly closed holding on to my Jesus, that my nails were digging into my palms.

I’m one of these people who talk to God a lot throughout the day, and lately it has been even minute by minute as I cope. I have had key phrases from so many favorite songs running through my head. As I stopped at one point to thank God for giving me so many different songs to sing to Him, the thought occurred to me that if He was supplying the songs, I wasn't singing to Him, He was singing to me. Now that took my breath away. Like the tender Father He is, He is singing songs over me to calm my fears and sustain me throughout the day. On my own, I am fearful and weak, but that’s not a problem. I don’t have to rely on my own power. He is my strength, my shield, in Him what is there to fear?

“The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

Choose Joy!

An MRI Kind of Monday

In the afternoon on Monday, March 11, I will have my MRI. As I understand it, this is the best way to make sure they have identified all the cancer prior to surgery. It should be no big deal, the main issues are an IV and the time spent in the small space. They keep asking me if I am claustrophobic, and I answer, “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure”. Still, I can’t help but think that if they keep asking me, I’m going to be, but, if they don’t ask, then how can they know? Go figure!

So, my prayer requests for this specific time are that I am indeed not claustrophobic and don’t freak out, and more importantly that anything that needs identifying will be found. I would really like for nothing new to be discovered, but am trusting God’s will for what is ahead. I am amazed at God’s daily grace to me. A few weeks ago if you had told me that I could be functional and almost rational after a diagnosis of breast cancer, I wouldn't have believed it. Truthfully, this is one of those things I could never imagine myself getting through. But here I am, and I can now say the words without crying every time. I am being sustained.

God has been so good to me so far, how can I doubt that He would continue to be anything else? I will have to share one of my God sightings with everyone soon. However, today, I will share His Words, straight out of my Bible Study homework from this afternoon.

O LORD, be gracious to us;

we long for you.

Be our strength every morning,

our salvation in time of distress.

He will be the sure foundation for your times,

a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;

the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

Isaiah 33:2, 6

Choose Joy!

Need Some Peace

Today I meet with my surgeon for the first time, so I’m not surprised I have a few butterflies. My head knows this is all going to be ok, but my emotions haven’t caught up yet. My voice is still scratchy, and I’ve gotten my left shoulder so tight, I have a hard time getting comfortable. It’s better today, but I’m still tense. So, if you would like to pray for me today, I need some peace, the kind that only God can provide. I know He will provide, so pray that I will cooperate and receive it and His authority over this situation. My head seems to know, but my heart hasn’t followed. Thanks for all love you have poured out on me. I am so blessed!

Stressed, but still I will

Choose Joy!

Then Life Changes

My life changed on March 1, 2013.  In reality the change began two weeks prior when I saw the caller id.  I knew there was a problem with my mammogram.  After the follow-up testing, I knew for certain on March 1, I have breast cancer.  My life has changed.  It is not over, but will be different.  The next several months will be hard, and then after that I will continue to be a survivor, and there will be permanent changes.

I said when I first had to go back in for additional tests, I wanted to glorify God through this.  So, for now this blog will primarily be about my journey through this, trying as much as possible to declare God’s praises.  I know I will fail at this sometimes, but I also know that He will not fail me.  I will also use this as a way to update any of you that would like to know how I am doing and how treatment is progressing.  I will try to keep the TMI to a minimum, but part of my coping will be to share.

So here is what we know so far.  I have invasive ductal carcinoma.  It is very very small, only 6mm or about ¼ of an inch.  Treatment is to have a lumpectomy followed by radiation.  I meet with my surgeon tomorrow, and will know more, including more on timeframe after that.

I will close with my first praise, mammogram timing.  I had a stomach bug the day I was supposed to have my mammogram two months prior.  Did the delay help make the tumor easier to spot?  I have no idea, but I know right now it is too small to feel, was not obvious on the mammogram, but was only just enough to warrant the ultrasound examination.  God’s timing is perfect.  My mammogram came while it is very small and treatment can be that much easier managed.

Yes, right now my emotions are raw, the tears flow often, but they are only human feelings.  My joy is more than that.  My joy’s name is Jesus, and through this I will continue to

Choose Joy!

Value in God’s Economy

Our pastor taught an amazing sermon this past week to mark Valentine’s Day. One central concept has stuck with me since I heard it, and so I don’t forget, I thought I’d share it here.

God’s love creates value; it is not a response to value. What a wonderful concept. God, in creating us in His love, bestows value upon us. John 3:16 reminds us God loves the whole world, so all in the world have value to Him. We have value because God gave us value. Unlike the human tendency to love based on some value we find appealing, God finds us to be appealing and valuable simply because we are his creation. I don’t have to and can’t do anything to change God’s love for me, for better or worse. God is unchanging, so His love is also unchanging, and does not depend on my attaining some human defined level of worth.

So, next time I’m struggling with my sense of self-worth and value, I need to remember, I have value to the One who created me and loves me unconditionally. I hope you will too.

Choose Joy!

What is Prayer?

What is prayer? I need a decent answer to this question before I can go very far forward with my studies. I usually try to start with someone’s more formal definition. So, I went to my Vines and a Bible dictionary I have. Vines lists at least four different Greek verbs for “pray”, and a similar number for the noun “prayer” in the New Testament. Each has a different emphasis, such as petitions for needs, desires or wishes, aid, and intercession. There is no way to cover all this in one post, so I already have some topics to cover in the future. Already I can see prayer can be a complex topic.

I found this definition in The NIV Compact Dictionary of the Bible that provides a nice summary statement about prayer –

“The spiritual response (spoken and unspoken) to God. Prayer covers a wide spectrum of addressing and hearing God, interceding with and waiting for the Lord, and contemplating and petitioning our Father in heaven.”¹

There are several things worth noting in this definition. First, prayer is of a spiritual nature involving God. Prayer, in essence, is a conversation with God on a spiritual level. Prayer is how we connect with God. How to do this effectively is what I’m after. I also like how a “wide spectrum” implies that prayers take on many forms and styles. What works for me doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best form for you.

This definition also includes something we talked about in a discipleship class at church, that prayer is our response to God. God initiates the connection, we respond by choosing to or not to participate. God is continually available and inviting us to connect and respond to Him. However, He gives us the freedom to choose to respond. Once we do respond, we begin to know God more intimately.

Prayer can be spoken or unspoken, both have times when they are appropriate. I have found that is ok to talk aloud to God, even when I’m alone. In fact, doing so helps me keep my focus and stay on topic (unless I get on a rant). There is power is praying aloud, but that’s for another post.

I like the fact that the definition includes, hearing God, waiting for the Lord, and contemplating. These all point to the fact that an effective conversation is two way, and we can expect God to communicate with us, and we may have to wait for an answer. We can hear from the Lord through reading the Bible and hearing from other people, either through formal talks like sermons and classes, or casual conversations with friends. We have to take the time to contemplate and mediate on what we hear to determine how He wants us to respond. My best prayer times have been when I’ve allowed myself the time to be quiet and let my mind simply ponder over what I’ve read, discussed, and heard and to see if my thoughts are lining up with God’s character and Word.

So far this has been fairly basic information, but it gives me a standard to check back with as I study to make sure I’m still on target. It also has shown me some areas I want to make sure and look into further.

Before I close today, I have to share an interesting concept I saw as I looked at Vines. It’s seems obvious, but I’m not sure I’ve thought about it this way. “Prayer is properly addressed to God the Father and the Son, but in no instance in the NT is prayer addressed to the Holy Spirit distinctively.”²

This doesn’t mean that the Holy Spirit doesn’t have a role in prayer. The Holy Spirit is a critical part of prayer and I found it fascinating that all of the Trinity have a role in prayer. We pray to the source of power, the Father in Heaven, seating on the throne, and to his Son seated at His right hand and given authority (1 Peter 3:22). We also pray in the Son’s name, Jesus. The Son presents prayers to the Father (Rom 8:34) and as such is the one giving authorization to our prayers. Our relationship with Jesus gives us the right to ask this of Him and our prayers must reflect the character of the Son and the will of the Father. The Holy Spirit is here with us on earth and acts as our helper, guiding our prayers, discerning our needs, and giving our prayers the power to move from earth into Heaven. Without the Holy Spirit our prayers will be ineffective and our connection to God limited. (There is probably a whole post just on this concept, but another time.)

So, one final point. The Holy Spirit is the means by which God makes His Power available to us, and prayer is one of the ways we tap into that power. Jesus restored our connection to Heaven with his death, burial, and resurrection, allowing us free and continual access to the Father as He reaches out to us through the Holy Spirit. When we pray with the power of the Holy Spirit, we are placing ourselves in a position to receive and access the power God desires to make available to us from heaven. It’s kind of like standing right under the shower head to come into contact with the most water. That makes prayer something I really want to do well. Imagine what can happen when I let God’s power loose in my life. What amazing things would I see?

There is one more concept about prayer I want to look at, but I’ve already gone on too long, so I’m going to have to save it until next time. Until then, Choose Joy!

1. J.D. Douglas and Merrill C. Tenney, The NIV Compact Dictionary of the Bible, 1989 by The Zondervan Corporation. All rights reserved. Rel 03.17.03

2. W.E. Vine, Merrill F Unger, William White, Jr., Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, 1996, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, TN, page 481.