Big Week Behind Me

It’s been a long week, and I am certainly glad it is over. I’ve had my two normal days of Bible Study classes, an MRI, the initial consultation with the Radiation Oncologist and have the green light to schedule surgery. So, here are the details.

The MRI on Monday went fine. I was just surprised how exhausted I was afterwards. I got the results from my surgeon late Tuesday, and the news was good. There were no surprises, no additional areas of suspicion, and the lymph nodes look clear. Everyone seems comfortable with my current Stage 1 diagnosis. Big relief and big praise to God. He got me through it, and He has held the cancer in check.

Thursday was the initial meeting with my Radiation Oncologist to discuss my treatment options. It went very well and I came away from the appointment actually feeling better than I had going into it. Not having radiation is not advised for me, the odds of reoccurrence without are much higher than with the treatment. The good news is that I am still a candidate for the shorter three week protocol instead of the standard six to seven week treatment. The final answer will depend on the outcome of surgery. Ken reminds me not to count on it, plan on six weeks and be happy if we only have to go through three. Wise man. I found out much more about the treatment process, and while I have to go five days a week, I was surprised to find out that the sessions are very short, usually under 30 minutes start to finish. So, more good news, this will not completely consume every day for six weeks. I also learned that I will need to recover from surgery before beginning radiation, so I don’t have to jump immediately from one to the other.

So, armed with all this information, everyone recommends and I agree to proceed with my lumpectomy and follow up radiation treatment. The surgery is in the process of being scheduled. The window we are looking at is the week before or after Easter, with my preference being the second of those weeks.

God has been good throughout this week. I have been able to sleep. I have received so much love and support from everyone, and the news has all been encouraging. So, now we will rest this weekend and get ready to prepare for the next steps. I don’t have to be strong on my own. He is my strength. Thank you to each one of you for the love you are showing me. I cannot begin to express how much it means to me. I still have a God sighting to share, hopefully soon, since things are settling down. Until then –

Choose Joy!

Singing Songs

Well, I survived the MRI. It will never make my top twenty list of favorite things I've done, but it isn’t in the worst twenty either. My technician was wonderful and patient, since my problem was getting my old out of shape body onto the table and in a comfortable position. I got a little anxious that I wasn't going to be able do it, but my SOS prayer of help led us to an extra cushion that got me where I needed to be. Thankfully I had been told I could bring my own music along, so Phillips, Craig, and Dean sang praise music in my ear and I concentrated on Jesus and got through the test just fine after that, and they got the pictures they needed.

It has become apparent to me over that past several days that music is one of the ways I am coping with this. A Sunday School class member encouraged me by sending me a link to a wonderful video of Amazing Grace, and I was ministered to by the Sunday Morning Praise Team at Calvary West this past week. We sang “It Is Well With My Soul”, and I had my arm raised in praise, but instead of an open palm, I had my hand so tightly closed holding on to my Jesus, that my nails were digging into my palms.

I’m one of these people who talk to God a lot throughout the day, and lately it has been even minute by minute as I cope. I have had key phrases from so many favorite songs running through my head. As I stopped at one point to thank God for giving me so many different songs to sing to Him, the thought occurred to me that if He was supplying the songs, I wasn't singing to Him, He was singing to me. Now that took my breath away. Like the tender Father He is, He is singing songs over me to calm my fears and sustain me throughout the day. On my own, I am fearful and weak, but that’s not a problem. I don’t have to rely on my own power. He is my strength, my shield, in Him what is there to fear?

“The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

Choose Joy!

An MRI Kind of Monday

In the afternoon on Monday, March 11, I will have my MRI. As I understand it, this is the best way to make sure they have identified all the cancer prior to surgery. It should be no big deal, the main issues are an IV and the time spent in the small space. They keep asking me if I am claustrophobic, and I answer, “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure”. Still, I can’t help but think that if they keep asking me, I’m going to be, but, if they don’t ask, then how can they know? Go figure!

So, my prayer requests for this specific time are that I am indeed not claustrophobic and don’t freak out, and more importantly that anything that needs identifying will be found. I would really like for nothing new to be discovered, but am trusting God’s will for what is ahead. I am amazed at God’s daily grace to me. A few weeks ago if you had told me that I could be functional and almost rational after a diagnosis of breast cancer, I wouldn't have believed it. Truthfully, this is one of those things I could never imagine myself getting through. But here I am, and I can now say the words without crying every time. I am being sustained.

God has been so good to me so far, how can I doubt that He would continue to be anything else? I will have to share one of my God sightings with everyone soon. However, today, I will share His Words, straight out of my Bible Study homework from this afternoon.

O LORD, be gracious to us;

we long for you.

Be our strength every morning,

our salvation in time of distress.

He will be the sure foundation for your times,

a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;

the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

Isaiah 33:2, 6

Choose Joy!

Need Some Peace

Today I meet with my surgeon for the first time, so I’m not surprised I have a few butterflies. My head knows this is all going to be ok, but my emotions haven’t caught up yet. My voice is still scratchy, and I’ve gotten my left shoulder so tight, I have a hard time getting comfortable. It’s better today, but I’m still tense. So, if you would like to pray for me today, I need some peace, the kind that only God can provide. I know He will provide, so pray that I will cooperate and receive it and His authority over this situation. My head seems to know, but my heart hasn’t followed. Thanks for all love you have poured out on me. I am so blessed!

Stressed, but still I will

Choose Joy!

Then Life Changes

My life changed on March 1, 2013.  In reality the change began two weeks prior when I saw the caller id.  I knew there was a problem with my mammogram.  After the follow-up testing, I knew for certain on March 1, I have breast cancer.  My life has changed.  It is not over, but will be different.  The next several months will be hard, and then after that I will continue to be a survivor, and there will be permanent changes.

I said when I first had to go back in for additional tests, I wanted to glorify God through this.  So, for now this blog will primarily be about my journey through this, trying as much as possible to declare God’s praises.  I know I will fail at this sometimes, but I also know that He will not fail me.  I will also use this as a way to update any of you that would like to know how I am doing and how treatment is progressing.  I will try to keep the TMI to a minimum, but part of my coping will be to share.

So here is what we know so far.  I have invasive ductal carcinoma.  It is very very small, only 6mm or about ¼ of an inch.  Treatment is to have a lumpectomy followed by radiation.  I meet with my surgeon tomorrow, and will know more, including more on timeframe after that.

I will close with my first praise, mammogram timing.  I had a stomach bug the day I was supposed to have my mammogram two months prior.  Did the delay help make the tumor easier to spot?  I have no idea, but I know right now it is too small to feel, was not obvious on the mammogram, but was only just enough to warrant the ultrasound examination.  God’s timing is perfect.  My mammogram came while it is very small and treatment can be that much easier managed.

Yes, right now my emotions are raw, the tears flow often, but they are only human feelings.  My joy is more than that.  My joy’s name is Jesus, and through this I will continue to

Choose Joy!

Value in God’s Economy

Our pastor taught an amazing sermon this past week to mark Valentine’s Day. One central concept has stuck with me since I heard it, and so I don’t forget, I thought I’d share it here.

God’s love creates value; it is not a response to value. What a wonderful concept. God, in creating us in His love, bestows value upon us. John 3:16 reminds us God loves the whole world, so all in the world have value to Him. We have value because God gave us value. Unlike the human tendency to love based on some value we find appealing, God finds us to be appealing and valuable simply because we are his creation. I don’t have to and can’t do anything to change God’s love for me, for better or worse. God is unchanging, so His love is also unchanging, and does not depend on my attaining some human defined level of worth.

So, next time I’m struggling with my sense of self-worth and value, I need to remember, I have value to the One who created me and loves me unconditionally. I hope you will too.

Choose Joy!