Why Come Back?

Several of the things I’m looking at right now seem to be calling for reflection on wandering away from God and returning to Him. The Bible study I’m doing talks about the “perks” of sin versus the costs and asked us to look at a time in our lives when the “perks” helped us forget the costs. Since I spent over 15 years wandering away from God, I had plenty of times to reflect upon. I have been baffled in my thoughts, and realized if I could get a better grip on my own situation, I might be better able to relate to others.

My problem was that I had plenty of “perks” in my desert wandering time and I as look back, I didn’t see much in the way of cost. Even now, I have trouble identifying the costs in some ways. Even though I ended one marriage in divorce, I married the love of my life Ken, had great paying jobs, a nice home, nice cars, nice vacations, and despite infertility issues, was able to give birth to a son, my precious Alex. By worldly standards, not a bad life, there wasn’t much in the way of downsides to me.

So why did I come back to God? To be honest I’m not even sure I wanted to come back to God, or more accurately, saw a need to come back too close to God. I still acknowledged His arm’s length existence in my life, flirted with the idea of attending church, knew I should teach my son about Jesus, but never could muster up any enthusiasm for reconnecting in a personal way.

Here’s a real eye opener for me. I’m not sure I ever chose to go looking to come back to God. He was much more interested in me than I was in Him. He used my loneliness after our move to NC to get me to try a neighborhood Bible Study group. My need for human contact outweighed any belief in the Bible Study making any difference in my life. Boy was I wrong. During this time God began to show me how much He loved me even where I was way out there in the desert away from Him. I wasn’t useless or of no value. Those were the hidden costs of wandering for me. I often felt useless, lonely, unsatisfied and unsure of my purpose. God was the answer to those issues, but the “perks” of my life helped me remain numb to those feelings much of the time.

I didn’t know to go looking for something better. I didn’t realize how often I had been shielded from major disaster. I was content in my desert. God, however, was not satisfied for me. He desired something more for me and pursued me. I read this morning in some study notes in my Bible “No loyalty, achievement, or honor can compare to loving him”. However, I had to taste the living water again to know that. The “perks” of my wandering had dulled my taste buds and numbed my senses to God’s love and presence. So why did I come back? Because He came and got me. Did I find something better? Absolutely. I know who I am now, and can claim peace and joy even in trying circumstances. The time I now spend with God is much more satisfying than anything it replaced. I wish I could find the words to explain it better. I matter.

Now my concern is that many are where I was. The “perks” of their life keep them satisfied on the surface, and they don’t even know they are missing something. I think too often we think of those outside of a close relationship with Jesus as mired in misery and longing to be rescued. I don’t think most people view themselves that way. They are fine with their lives. Maybe that’s why so many are too busy to take the time to study the Bible. They don’t see the need for it. Maybe that is why I have become so passionate about doing Bible Study. No matter why someone attends, God still has something to say to them. I’ve seen it over and over again, starting with me. So my prayer is for opportunities to teach and be available where He desires and primarily for Him to fervently pursue those that desperately need Him, even if they don’t even realize they need pursuing.

Choose Joy!