Feeling Relief

It’s been about a month since God rescued us from the semi (see previous post) and since then, I have often found the event in my thoughts. It took a few days to get beyond the sheer shock of the event and I’ve been amazed by the myriad of directions my mind has taken.

One of the first things I noticed was how much easier it was to believe God and have faith in Him. I have lost track of how many times I have thought, “If God can save us from a semi, this is a piece of cake!” Our human nature wants proof that someone is trustworthy. God was so mighty in His demonstration of His protection, I can easily find my faith to trust Him to handle the next thing I’m facing. I have delighted in the opportunities to testify of his faithfulness in this event, maybe even too enthusiastically, but He is so amazing, it’s just hard to resist!

One of the other things I noticed was the sense of relief I’ve felt. This one has caused me to stop and question what I’m feeling. I’m finding that relief exists on many levels. First, I’ll be real honest. I am a pain weenie. So, I am relieved beyond words that God spared me the pain of an automobile accident that day. I know He would have been with me during all the pain, but I’m extremely relieved and grateful that I was spared. Then I think about Ken and Alex, and my gratitude that they were spared pain goes even further.

Next, I realized I was realized in thinking about Alex and Ken, it would have been very difficult if only part of us had survived an accident. God made us for eternal relationship with Him, and our human relationships share that DNA. We don’t like separation and endings. We want permanence in our relationships. Whoever was left here was going to have to deal with the separation from those that went home. That’s even more pain, this time the emotional kind. So again, my relief and gratitude soar.

Finally, we didn’t die. I felt relief, but soon realized that meant I didn’t go home. I feel this wisp of longing go through my soul when I think about that. Was it wrong for me to feel relief about still being alive? As a mere human, I cling to the known and am apprehensive about the unknown. God placed into us the desire to live and an instinct for self-preservation. So, I think it is normal to feel this way. I know I don’t want to feel like someone I knew years ago, that so badly wanted to go home to heaven, that being here on earth was almost depressing. They were hard to be around sometimes. I don’t think that’s what God wants for us, to live here, miserable and waiting to go home. We are here for a purpose, which gives me my big reason that I think it is ok to be relieved to still be alive. God still has things for me to do. I have a purpose to fulfill for the kingdom. God loves me enough to allow me to participate in His plans. I don’t just have to sit by and watch Him do His thing. He values me enough to allow me to jump in and get messy doing the work of the kingdom, a very good reason to be alive indeed.

So, occasionally, I’ll feel that wisp of longing, wondering what it might be like to be home with Jesus, but then I’ll return to the business of living. Right now I have some assignments to work on, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer of this blog, and shortly after our rescue, I found out I get to teach again this fall. God is good, all the time. Period. Amen.